[side note, since I already over-analyze things, I'm gonna just blame her for all the times my roomie gets mad at me for over-thinking and over-analyzing. Cause I don't wanna take responsibility for myself...]
The latest Christian hot topic/trend/every-single-blog-ever is the idea of pursuit. If you've spent any time on the internet, you've seen it. The ten-thousandth blog concerning this idea and how we've Christianized it and pretty much talked it to death: how men are supposed to be this handsome, idyllic version of Prince Charming racing on his chariot after our desperate, yet patient hearts.
We are called to wait. At least that's what every single blogger, Christian author, sister, mom, grandmother, small group leader, woman is saying. It's what your friends and mentors and fellow church-goers will encourage you with: It's worth the wait.
And gosh, I'm sure it is!! I am not for a second doubting that. I am not for a second doubting or saying that waiting is not the correct choice.
It's just that I'm afraid we've made it more about the actual act of waiting itself than what we are waiting for, or better yet, what we are waiting in.
The choice to wait is awesome. It's a great choice. But it's only the first step. The decisions that follow that initial choice are just as crucial.
In the midst of waiting, what are you hoping in? What are you hoping for? Are you waiting for a man to come swooping in, chivalrously and majestically sweeping you off your feet? Knowing that once you "get your act together" or "trust God enough" or [the really confusing but good sentiment] "become the one you're looking for is looking for", then poof! There he is! The one you've been waiting for.
Sorry, ladies. What if he's already come? OR that one you thought you were waiting for? Well, now he has a girlfriend. Or a fianceé. Or a wife. And there you are, nose deep in a devotional.
Hear me. Please, please hear me out: None of these things in and of themselves are bad. It is true that, in the waiting, we should work on becoming "the one who we are looking for is looking for". And this is the best time of your life to do just that. Think about all the time you get to spend on yourself-- to yourself-- by yourself. You're unhindered and not tied to anyone else's schedule but your own. And devotionals are great!! Your quiet time with the Lord will be a critical part of your faith for as long as you are breathing in oxygen on this Earth. But that will be a critical part of your faith whether you are single or not.
So yes, you need to get that right-- but not as a means to an end. Not as part of puppetry or formula that states once you're closer with the Lord, He'll bring you what you want. Yes, the bible says "the Lord will grant you the desires of your heart" [Psalm 37:4] I think it's so funny that only the second half of that scripture is quoted most of the time. Do you know the first half? It says, "Delight yourself in the Lord". Some translations give the active form- "take delight" --ladies, we must take that time for ourselves or it will not happen. Another form says "be happy"-- how many of us can say that we are truly happy in the waiting? I'm not saying you have to fake it or be happy all of the time-- but let's be content in the waiting. And I mean, truly content. Again, not some manufactured bubble gum version of happiness that looks great on the outside, but feels so empty on the inside. That kind of joy comes only from the Lord. So fill yourself with Him while you wait, and He will give you that joy that you so desperately need.
The bible also instructs us to "Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" [Proverbs 4:23] Do you know what that means? It's going to be different for everyone. For me personally, it means that I can't reduce God to a box; especially not a vending machine-type box, where I put in a quarter of quiet time, punch some numbers and ta da! Here's a boyfriend in exchange for my obedience. When we start to realize that the greatest desire of our heart should be just that- a true desire to spend time with the Lord, out of simply wanting to enjoy spending time with Him; communicating with Him; sharing what's on our heart and mind (even if it is frustration that we still haven't gotten our "one"...He's big enough to handle it! He longs to hear your heart, every bit of it-- frustrations, joys, anger, doubts, sadness...all of it).
You see, waiting is good. There's plenty in the Bible about waiting. One of my favorite verses is somewhat centered around waiting-- or the process that occurs while we wait-- on endurance: "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." [Romans 5:3-5]
In the bible, especially the Old Testament, we can find so many stories centered around waiting. Waiting for God to fulfill His promises. Waiting for God to give the land He promised. Waiting on a man He promised? Not so much. The most famous woman-man story (in my opinion) is one in which a woman took charge. She didn't wait around.
And yet, my favorite story between a woman and man is the story of Hosea and his wife. But friends, that story is not supposed to be a metaphor for marriage. That is a metaphor for the pursuit that comes from the Lord-- relentless, reckless abandon, never giving up, never stopping love that only comes from the Lord. Yes, you should desire a man who will love and treasure you well. You really should. Because you were redeemed by the blood of our Savior, that has deemed you worthy of a love that knows no bounds-- but first, you must be filled with the love of our Savior. I think this is where it can get a little tricky -- the Bible often talks about the relationship between a bride and groom, and in a very popular verse, we see Jesus compares a marriage to the relationship between Himself and the Church-- and, if you were at Passion 2015, we sang a wonderful (but confusing to many women I presume) song that said, "Like a bride waiting for her groom, we'll be a church ready for You, every heart longing for our King... so we wait. we wait for You. We wait. Lord, You're coming soon". Such a powerful song, as long as we're looking at it in the right context. This is not a song about marriage. This is not a song about waiting for our husband. Not in the least bit. It is a song about waiting. A song about waiting for a man. But not just any man-- The Man. Read it again. Let those words sink in-- It's about waiting for our King. Preparing our heart for One man and One man only.
Not our prince.
Our King.
This is not some formula. It's not that once you get it right, you'll magically have a boyfriend. It's not, once you fill yourself and your heart with Christ's love, then a boyfriend will come running to your doorstep. I wish it were that easy. I know so many incredible, faithful, Godly women who love Jesus with everything they've got. And guess what? They're still single. I don't believe that God is waiting on them to get their act together, or even that He's preparing their man to get his act together, then like clockwork, once He's done preparing them, they're ready! I do believe that He is preparing you for your husband. Yes, I firmly believe He is working on each of you, and will unite the two of you at exactly the right time, and yes, I firmly believe He is accomplishing incredible things in and though each of you currently as you are single, that He simply couldn't accomplish if you were dating or engaged or married. But a relationship does not define you, and never will. Single, engaged, married, widowed, divorced-- those are mere words, descriptors, yes. But not definers. Fulfilled, redeemed, full, complete, restored, forgiven, accepted-- those are definers.
Once you fill yourself completely with Christ's love, you'll feel the weight, and yet, the beautiful lightness of these words washing over you. You will experience a type of contentment and satisfaction and a feeling of fulfillment that simply cannot be found in any guy. And that is worth the wait.
So, how should we wait?
"I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope."
So, ladies. Let's wait. But let's wait for the Lord. And let's wait with our whole being. All the while, as we wait, we hope in His word.
[if you're a nerd like me, you'll want to know that the Greek word used in this verse is "qavah"; קָוָה
which means...shockingly...to wait. But it's used to mean much more than what we traditionally think of as an easy "waiting". There's an endurance, a strength tied to it. An undercurrent of hope, an understanding that the authors knew that it was a difficult process.]
P.S- As I was struggling to find a picture that accurately portrayed this idea of pursuit, I stumbled upon one of my all-time favorite pictures ever. This, to me, is not just a depiction of pursuit, but a depiction of the type of love each of us deserves. Not because we are great, or because we have done anything-- but because we have a Father that loves us so deeply, so abundantly, that He loves to pour out His love onto us through others. One way He may choose to do that is through our parents-- I could (and may, in the future) write a whole blog on this idea-- but for now, I'll keep it brief, since this post is already too long (sorry! I just like to write). I want to brag on this man for a second. He is such an incredible portrayal of the type of earthly father that reflects our Heavenly Father. He loves his precious daughter so well, as seen here, and now he loves his adorable son just as well. He disciplines because he loves, and he is constantly pouring encouragement, love, and attention into her sweet soul. He spends nearly every Saturday morning taking her on 'daddy-daughter dates', and although I've seen them share so many beautiful moments, this one right here was my absolute favorite: John treated Ally Grace to a Valentine's Day dinner, complete with roses. Swoon. I want a husband that will be that kind of father...Not to mention he's an incredible husband as well. I learned more of that last night as I heard how he pursued Sherri even at the very beginning of their relationship: how intentional he was and how much detail and effort he put into every single date he planned. And he still does, as they are both so intentional about making sure they have time for just the two of them to go on dates, typically once a week. They know that pursuit doesn't end once the commitment begins. True pursuit is an integral part of commitment, and should be continued for as long as you're together. Thank you, John and Sherri, for modeling this so incredibly well for me, and others. I hope you know I'm serious when I say I'm sending my future boyfriend/fiance/husband to you for advice (and approval!). The attention that John, as a husband and father, gives to his children and his wife has a direct correlation to how that same daughter and wife will feel about themselves, their self-worth, approval, and the way they think their Heavenly Father thinks of them. If John, as an earthly father, is so willing and desiring to spend time and lavish his love upon them, how much more is our Heavenly Father desiring that time? I could go on for hours bragging on John [and he's just one of the many, many wonderful examples of fathers I see around me-- I just have this photograph proving his, but to all you other dads that may read this-- know I value, honor, respect and look up to the way you father so well, too! Especially my own daddy. You set the bar so high, and I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me.] So, all that said, let's just remember to listen to what John Mayer sang, "So fathers, be good to your daughters. Daughters will love like you do".
