Can We Quit With the Cup?

Guys. The cup. I get it. Embarrassing. We "Christians" jumped the gun; jumped down someone's throat; came across like the "crazy Jesus people" again. Someone went on their little soapbox and, as one of my fav songs says, "it was taken way out of proportion, way past discussion".  

Yes, yes. Everyone knows.  And here I go feeding into it, perpetuating the drama.  Because of my beliefs, you may think you know what I may say. But please, keep reading. 

Christians, if you call yourself one, what in the heck are we doing and saying in our response to this fiasco? 

We're so quick to judge right back--in good intentions, I'm sure-- to defend the name of ourselves. 

That's not our job. 

Yes, I know. We don't want to look bad and turn people away and we want people to know we're not all that crazy, bible-beating Christian and we don't all agree with the pastor who said one wrong thing about one silly colored cup in one silly franchise. 

But it absolutely infuriates me that we are still spending time on it. In our grumbling about the grumbling... In saying hey quit spending time on it, we're spending time on it! [Yes I'm fully aware that it seems I'm being slightly hypocritical but please keep reading]. If  we spent half the time helping the poor as we did judging and condemning; posting and re-posting; tweeting and re-tweeting; getting frustrated and infuriated trying to defend the Christian name for the people who have slandered it... Y'all. There are real causes and real faces and real people with real needs who need real justice. The Christian name doesn't need defending. The widowed mother of 3 starving babies with no hope of a future needs defending. 

Jesus wasn't concerned with defending his name. So many people hated his name. So dang many. And yet, Jesus put so much value on a name- ever notice that?

Ever noticed he never called his followers Christians? 

Disciples. 

"Christian" was a derogatory term. Created to make fun of followers of Jesus for trying to be "little Christs"-- an unattainable position. 

I do not desire to be a Christian. One who holds themselves as high as Christ.  No, rather, let me be a disciple. A learner. A follower. To sit at his feet, humbly soaking in all I can under Him. 

Brother, sister, I beg you. Let us not use our words to fight. Let us not even use our words to love. Instead, let us love in action.  Let us show the world what we believe and in whom we believe by what we DO, not what we say. Christ didn't just talk about how much he loved us-- he did something about it. It would be great if john 3:16 simply said "God so loved the world."  But it is one of the all-time most quoted verses because of the remainder of it- the action that follows that love-- "For God so loved the world, THAT he gave his one and only son..."

He loved. Then he acted. 

Friends, let us love. Mightily. Let us act. Swiftly. And not act by punching back on Facebook. Let's lift a hand. There's PLENTY of need. Just open your eyes. You don't need to go abroad. Yes, there's need there. There's need right in front of you- a neighbor needing a hand with groceries; a parent trying to wrestle 3 kids at once; a friend simply needing fingers locked, interwoven with theirs; a whispered "I'm here"; knees hitting concrete, hands opened wide. 

There is need. And God created YOU to fill that need, Christian, disciple. He sent his son to die for you to have eternal life-- not to sit and tweet about that life. But to actually go out and have it.  

Seeking a way to fight the need? Check out these amazing causes: www.a21.org ; www.refugeesewingsociety.com; www.safehouseoutreach.org; www. Belovedatlanta.org, www.Wellspring living.org, www.gatewayctr.org

Aaaand shameless plug for my amazing friend Grace's coffee company: www.firelightcoffee.com 

Tharsei

So my favorite thing to photograph, forever and always, is water droplets.  One of the main reasons for that is because of the reflection you can capture trapped within the tiny speck of water. Here, you can see the sun reflected off the top of the river, which is crazy beautiful. (I also love textures, which hi hello this is way cool in it's depth of texture, IMO) 

In it's very nature, water is a bit mysterious: it will change based on it's surroundings-- a change in temperature will change it's physical properties. And whether it wants to or not, it will reflect that which it surrounds. // aren't we just like that? Easily swayed to and fro, depending on what surrounds us? So how do we steady ourselves? Keep our feet from stumbling into whatever we happen to be victim to by proximity? I believe the answer lies in more water. Becoming engulfed sounds terrifying right? I remember vividly when I was 7, swimming in HHI and being sucked in by the undertow. I remember the paralyzing fear - and the actual paralysis, realizing I was no longer in control. I've never seen my mom more terrified, either. But the thing with the undertow is the only solution is to let it take you-- to go limp and surrender to the flow and power of the current. If you try to fight it, you'll just make it 10x worse for yourself. What if that was our reaction? Instead of fighting so dang hard, what if we just surrendered? 

What if we opened our hands and said, "ok, lead me" and actually meant it? I love the song Oceans.. Nearly every line speaks straight to my heart, but I've been singing this one over and over and over recently: "keep my eyes above the waves; when oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace for I am Yours and You are mine" -- if we were simply able to keep our gaze fixed on Him, how much more would we see? We'd lift our eyes above the circumstances; above the heartache; above the illness; above the doubt; above the ground-rattling, knees-shaking pain of this world. We've got to have something to give us perspective in this crazy life. If we can step back and look up, we can be filled with hope. With peace. With love and light and LIFE. So when the waves hit, and we're tempted to be tossed to and fro, let's keep our eyes above those waves, steadying our feet by steadying our gaze.  Let's look to the Creator of the waves. Let's look to the One who knows every inch of that wave and the power it holds to destroy you; yet He gracefully gives you all you need to rise above it. Let's look to the pierced hands that secured our freedom forever, knowing no wave could touch that security, no matter how ominous it may seem. 

Yes storms will come, and they will try their very best to break you. I am not trying to negate the fact that there ARE very real troubles, heartaches and pains felt in this world. Trust me, I have felt them. But more than that, I've seen God carry me above them. I've had flashbacks to that 7 year old me... But worse: crippled by fears and anxieties of this world, I was being pulled under by the weight of all that is seen and unseen as I fought relentlessly to keep my head above water. But what finally rescued me was not my fighting, but rather His hand reaching out and lifting me above the wave. I had to trust and see and walk with Him above it; knowing He had called me to it, and He'd never forsake me. I love the passage where Jesus calls Peter to walk on the water. If you have a sec, go read it again, and focus on this: see the change in Peter and pay attention to where He is putting his attention. You'll find that as soon as he shifts his gaze from Jesus to the circumstance, He immediately begins to panic. Fear sets in- and it sets in FAST.  And sweet, patient Jesus simply extends His hand and says, don't be afraid. I'm here.  And we all think... What?! How can we not be afraid? Do you see what looms ahead? Do you know what I've been through? He does. He knows every part of it before you did. And He wants to walk with you through it. But it requires an action on your part-- something I didn't realize until I was so far under that I thought I'd never breakthrough the surface again. It requires you actively choosing to receive His hand.  In verse 27, Jesus says, "take courage" -- there: in that "take" is the active choosing.  He's not saying "be courage" or "have courage" -- no. Take it. He's extended it the whole time-- but you have to be willing to accept it. To take hold of that hand and be willing to rise above the wave with Him. [if you're a nerd like me and want to read about the Greek word used here-- the same one used for John 16:33, "in this world you will have trouble but *take heart* for I have overcome the world"-- check out the link at the bottom of the post.]

 God doesn't promise a problem-free life. In fact it's quite the opposite. But He does promise us that He will be with us, always. That for every problem, there's a solution. And not just that, but there's a peace; a hope; a comfort to go alongside that solution.  Not some cute, cushy feeling, but a tangible relief found only in the blood poured from our Savior's hands as he defeated death, and sickness and weakness along with all fear, depression and anxiety with one swift move, forever redeeming and ransoming our hearts. 

So yes, there will be incredibly ferocious waves threatening to take you under.  But there is an incredibly ferocious love fighting those waves; a love that can handle them-- I promise. If you can look just above those waves and stand, paralyzed not by fear, but by awe and wonder, you will not be shaken. 

[Isaiah 54:10]

[Psalm 46]

[John 16:33]

[Matthew 14:22-33]

http://occ.edu/alumni/default.aspx?id=2350

On Pursuit

My sweet friend Jen is always challenging the status quo. and I love her for that.  [Sure, I'll admit sometimes it may be the teeniest tiniest bit annoying funny] but I really do.  She makes me think harder than simply ingesting the latest info- whether it's a blog, the newest Tswift song, food...whatever.  She makes me think about what I consume.  And really if I think about it, I've always been that way-- I hate being a bandwagon fan --of anything.  It's why I've never read or seen any of The Hunger Games books or movies; why I've never (and will never) seen High School Musical or Twilight (besides the fact that they're awful, sorry half of the female population [and a larger-than-they'd-like-to-admit male population]... I just don't get it).  It's why I bleed Carolina blue, even when we're in a re-building season [like last year], and why I'll never root for Puke Duke, even if they're ranked higher, and they're battling Georgia Tech.  It's why, as consistently as Atlanta sports teams let me down [thanks Braves, Hawks, Falcons former Thrashers...], I'll never jump ship.  My allegiances are strong.  And I want to discover things on my own, not just because somebody else (or everybody else thought it was cool first).  

[side note, since I already over-analyze things, I'm gonna just blame her for all the times my roomie gets mad at me for over-thinking and over-analyzing.  Cause I don't wanna take responsibility for myself...]

The latest Christian hot topic/trend/every-single-blog-ever is the idea of pursuit.  If you've spent any time on the internet, you've seen it.  The ten-thousandth blog concerning this idea and how we've Christianized it and pretty much talked it to death: how men are supposed to be this handsome, idyllic version of Prince Charming racing on his chariot after our desperate, yet patient hearts.

We are called to wait.  At least that's what every single blogger, Christian author, sister, mom, grandmother, small group leader, woman is saying.  It's what your friends and mentors and fellow church-goers will encourage you with: It's worth the wait.

And gosh, I'm sure it is!!  I am not for a second doubting that.  I am not for a second doubting or saying that waiting is not the correct choice.

It's just that I'm afraid we've made it more about the actual act of waiting itself than what we are waiting for, or better yet, what we are waiting in.

The choice to wait is awesome.  It's a great choice.  But it's only the first step.  The decisions that follow that initial choice are just as crucial.

In the midst of waiting, what are you hoping in?  What are you hoping for?  Are you waiting for a man to come swooping in, chivalrously and majestically sweeping you off your feet?  Knowing that once you "get your act together" or "trust God enough" or [the really confusing but good sentiment] "become the one you're looking for is looking for", then poof!  There he is!  The one you've been waiting for.

Sorry, ladies.  What if he's already come?  OR that one you thought you were waiting for?  Well, now he has a girlfriend.  Or a fianceé.  Or a wife.  And there you are, nose deep in a devotional.

Hear me.  Please, please hear me out:  None of these things in and of themselves are bad.  It is true that, in the waiting, we should work on becoming "the one who we are looking for is looking for".  And this is the best time of your life to do just that.  Think about all the time you get to spend on yourself-- to yourself-- by yourself.  You're unhindered and not tied to anyone else's schedule but your own.  And devotionals are great!! Your quiet time with the Lord will be a critical part of your faith for as long as you are breathing in oxygen on this Earth.  But that will be a critical part of your faith whether you are single or not.

So yes, you need to get that right-- but not as a means to an end.  Not as part of puppetry or formula that states once you're closer with the Lord, He'll bring you what you want.  Yes, the bible says "the Lord will grant you the desires of your heart" [Psalm 37:4]  I think it's so funny that only the second half of that scripture is quoted most of the time.  Do you know the first half?  It says, "Delight yourself in the Lord".  Some translations give the active form- "take delight" --ladies, we must take that time for ourselves or it will not happen.  Another form says "be happy"-- how many of us can say that we are truly happy in the waiting?  I'm not saying you have to fake it or be happy all of the time-- but let's be content in the waiting.  And I mean, truly content.  Again, not some manufactured bubble gum version of happiness that looks great on the outside, but feels so empty on the inside.  That kind of joy comes only from the Lord.  So fill yourself with Him while you wait, and He will give you that joy that you so desperately need.

The bible also instructs us to "Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" [Proverbs 4:23]  Do you know what that means?  It's going to be different for everyone.  For me personally, it means that I can't reduce God to a box; especially not a vending machine-type box, where I put in a quarter of quiet time, punch some numbers and ta da!  Here's a boyfriend in exchange for my obedience.  When we start to realize that the greatest desire of our heart should be just that- a true desire to spend time with the Lord, out of simply wanting to enjoy spending time with Him; communicating with Him; sharing what's on our heart and mind (even if it is frustration that we still haven't gotten our "one"...He's big enough to handle it!  He longs to hear your heart, every bit of it-- frustrations, joys, anger, doubts, sadness...all of it). 
  You see, waiting is good.  There's plenty in the Bible about waiting.  One of my favorite verses is somewhat centered around waiting-- or the process that occurs while we wait-- on endurance: "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ^and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,  and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." [Romans 5:3-5]
In the bible, especially the Old Testament, we can find so many stories centered around waiting.  Waiting for God to fulfill His promises.  Waiting for God to give the land He promised.  Waiting on a man He promised?  Not so much.  The most famous woman-man story (in my opinion) is one in which a woman took charge.  She didn't wait around.

And yet, my favorite story between a woman and man is the story of Hosea and his wife.  But friends, that story is not supposed to be a metaphor for marriage.  That is a metaphor for the pursuit that comes from the Lord-- relentless, reckless abandon, never giving up, never stopping love that only comes from the Lord.  Yes, you should desire a man who will love and treasure you well.  You really should.  Because you were redeemed by the blood of our Savior, that has deemed you worthy of a love that knows no bounds-- but first, you must be filled with the love of our Savior.  I think this is where it can get a little tricky -- the Bible often talks about the relationship between a bride and groom, and in a very popular verse, we see Jesus compares a marriage to the relationship between Himself and the Church-- and, if you were at Passion 2015, we sang a wonderful (but confusing to many women I presume) song that said, "Like a bride waiting for her groom, we'll be a church ready for You, every heart longing for our King... so we wait. we wait for You. We wait. Lord, You're coming soon".  Such a powerful song, as long as we're looking at it in the right context.  This is not a song about marriage.  This is not a song about waiting for our husband.  Not in the least bit.  It is a song about waiting.  A song about waiting for a man.  But not just any man-- The Man.  Read it again.  Let those words sink in-- It's about waiting for our King.  Preparing our heart for One man and One man only.
Not our prince. 
Our King.  

This is not some formula.  It's not that once you get it right, you'll magically have a boyfriend.  It's not, once you fill yourself and your heart with Christ's love, then a boyfriend will come running to your doorstep.  I wish it were that easy.  I know so many incredible, faithful, Godly women who love Jesus with everything they've got.  And guess what?  They're still single.  I don't believe that God is waiting on them to get their act together, or even that He's preparing their man to get his act together, then like clockwork, once He's done preparing them, they're ready!  I do believe that He is preparing you for your husband.  Yes, I firmly believe He is working on each of you, and will unite the two of you at exactly the right time, and yes, I firmly believe He is accomplishing incredible things in and though each of you currently as you are single, that He simply couldn't accomplish if you were dating or engaged or married.  But a relationship does not define you, and never will.  Single, engaged, married, widowed, divorced-- those are mere words, descriptors, yes.  But not definers.  Fulfilled, redeemed, full, complete, restored, forgiven, accepted-- those are definers. 

Once you fill yourself completely with Christ's love, you'll feel the weight, and yet, the beautiful lightness of these words washing over you.  You will experience a type of contentment and satisfaction and a feeling of fulfillment that simply cannot be found in any guy.  And that is worth the wait.

So, how should we wait?

 "I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope."

So, ladies.  Let's wait.  But let's wait for the Lord.  And let's wait with our whole being.  All the while, as we wait, we hope in His word.  

[if you're a nerd like me, you'll want to know that the Greek word used in this verse is "qavah"; קָוָה
  which means...shockingly...to wait.  But it's used to mean much more than what we traditionally think of as an easy "waiting".  There's an endurance, a strength tied to it.  An undercurrent of hope, an understanding that the authors knew that it was a difficult process.]

P.S- As I was struggling to find a picture that accurately portrayed this idea of pursuit, I stumbled upon one of my all-time favorite pictures ever.  This, to me, is not just a depiction of pursuit, but a depiction of the type of love each of us deserves.  Not because we are great, or because we have done anything-- but because we have a Father that loves us so deeply, so abundantly, that He loves to pour out His love onto us through others.  One way He may choose to do that is through our parents-- I could (and may, in the future) write a whole blog on this idea-- but for now, I'll keep it brief, since this post is already too long (sorry!  I just like to write).  I want to brag on this man for a second.  He is such an incredible portrayal of the type of earthly father that reflects our Heavenly Father.  He loves his precious daughter so well, as seen here, and now he loves his adorable son just as well.  He disciplines because he loves, and he is constantly pouring encouragement, love, and attention into her sweet soul.  He spends nearly every Saturday morning taking her on 'daddy-daughter dates', and although I've seen them share so many beautiful moments, this one right here was my absolute favorite: John treated Ally Grace to a Valentine's Day dinner, complete with roses.  Swoon.  I want a husband that will be that kind of father...Not to mention he's an incredible husband as well.  I learned more of that last night as I heard how he pursued Sherri even at the very beginning of their relationship: how intentional he was and how much detail and effort he put into every single date he planned.  And he still does, as they are both so intentional about making sure they have time for just the two of them to go on dates, typically once a week.  They know that pursuit doesn't end once the commitment begins.  True pursuit is an integral part of commitment, and should be continued for as long as you're together. Thank you, John and Sherri, for modeling this so incredibly well for me, and others.  I hope you know I'm serious when I say I'm sending my future boyfriend/fiance/husband to you for advice (and approval!).  The attention that John, as a husband and father, gives to his children and his wife has a direct correlation to how that same daughter and wife will feel about themselves, their self-worth, approval, and the way they think their Heavenly Father thinks of them.  If John, as an earthly father, is so willing and desiring to spend time and lavish his love upon them, how much more is our Heavenly Father desiring that time?  I could go on for hours bragging on John [and he's just one of the many, many wonderful examples of fathers I see around me-- I just have this photograph proving his, but to all you other dads that may read this-- know I value, honor, respect and look up to the way you father so well, too!  Especially my own daddy.  You set the bar so high, and I can't thank you enough for all you've done for me.]  So, all that said, let's just remember to listen to what John Mayer sang, "So fathers, be good to your daughters.  Daughters will love like you do".

Choose life

[before you get all hyped up, ready to argue, this post is not about abortion. Not touching that controversial stuff --yet, at least. But I hope you'll read this post anyways!]

Sometimes you wake up at 6 am feeling SUPER annoyed and ungrateful for a place to live (what?!yep. I'm a brat) because that place to live is a super old complex in which you can hear every single bone in every single toe through every. single. stinking. floorboard. as your upstairs neighbors saunter through the kitchen; surely heards of elephants live there and not possibly two humans. 

and so I sit, so annoyed and tired from staying up too late watching Revenge with my roomie and I brainstorm how to tell my property manager about this ridiculous elephant-human and their ridiculous noise.

and luckily for me, the Lord intercedes. He knows my weakness and tiredness are taking over and so He stops me. And points me to Himself. 

            child, if you'd only realize the        

            precious time this allows us to talk 

            about the huge things you're needing 

            to talk to Me about and really, really 

            trust Me with right now. 

so I sit, begrudgingly, shamefully knowing He's right. Of course He is. He knows my heart. And luckily He always steps in. 

But I think this moment could've just as easily gone the other way. I could've chosen to stay right where my flesh had won and I had put myself: annoyed. Frustrated. Bitter. So annoyed. Tired. Weak. But the Lord gave me a choice and I took it. And He used that choice to strengthen, encourage, inspire, support and uplift me. Things I so desperately needed but couldn't see because I clouded my judgment and crowded-buried- myself with thoughts of frustration. [Not that the Lord wouldn't have supported and loved and lifted me if I hadn't chosen to turn to him-- but that I would've missed it. He's constantly showering me (and you!) with affection and gentle whisperings but I'm constantly missing them.] How often do I do that?! I am drowning in fear, worry, anger, sadness, confusion... When the answer and solution that brings peace, joy, light and life is literally right. there. Waiting. Patiently waiting for me to take hold of all these things He's laid out for me. But I've got to choose them. And that's tough. We can so easily succumb to the flesh (in fact, that's our natural instinct) but we must fight. We must choose to fight. We must choose to see the Spirit in those moments saying "go there" or more often for me, "don't go there". Don't let yourself go to that annoyed posture. It's not worth the time. It's not worth the pain. And if you choose not to, just wait and see what the Lord has for you instead. I promise you better. I promise you it's more.  

[sometimes that "more" comes in the form of a Dunkin Donuts iced coffee that you didn't  think you'd have time to get in the morning. Yes, it's 8 degrees and I'm drinking it. It tastes so much better iced. Trust me.] 

I was trying to discover times in the Bible when people like me did silly human things, like ignore what was right in front of us and miss the beauty God had for us, because we were too consumed with ourselves. And I think, scarily, unfortunately, there's more stories than we want to realize because it's one of the easiest ways to separate ourselves from God. The most obvious and easy answer is the story of Adam and Eve. Don't think I need to explain that one. [but I will since I like to write and this is a blog so there can't really be complaints of how long I write, right?!] They literally had everything they needed- were living in perfection and paradise. And yet, the enemy crept in. Slithering, sliming his way in like he always does. And started to whisper and seduce and charm and rot away and steal from what the Lord had promised. The enemy spoke doubt into our assurance; uncertainty into our certainty; pestilence into our unblemished crop; he was able to find things we didn't even know we doubted or were unsure of and he exploited every last inch of those. That snake made us question the One who made us and gave everything to us, the One who lavished us in love and adoration. The One who clearly displayed His love, majesty, glory, tender care and wonder. And yet... all it took was one choice. Choosing to succumb. Choosing to listen to that voice.. "There's more. Go there."

But that more is a lie. It is corruption. It is destruction to your very core. It is being thrown out of paradise; out of perfection; no longer being able to see and taste and experience the Lord as He created us to. That "more" is so enticing and so shiny and exciting-- I get it. I truly do. I've been there. I've fallen for it. But I promise you, when you get to the end of that more, guess what you'll be wanting? Craving? Needing? 

More. 

And you'll never have enough. As Andy Stanley says, "that's the thing about appetites. They only know two words: "now" and "more," and that more always leaves you feeling empty and unsatisfied." 

Yes, that more seems so enticing and fulfilling and promising. But what could be more enticing and fulfilling and promising than standing on the One who has already  completely fulfilled you?  The One who has already promised you so MUCH more. The One who knows what you need and has prepared it for you in advance if you would only choose to walk in it. 

So friends, let's choose to not just ignore, but squash the voice of the enemy. As Louie Giglio said, "we can cut off the head of the snake, but he can still bite. He can still talk."  So we need to choose to proclaim the Lord's promises, faithfulness and beauty over the voice that speaks false hope, empty promises and faithless nights. 

[quotes from Andy Stanley's sermon on Appetites (not sure title of sermon or date, he's given this talk lot but it's really good) and Louie Giglio's sermon from "Goliath Must Fall" in summer 2014 paraphrased. Go watch them online. Really really powerful.]

  

[this book, The Best Yes by Lysa Terkheurst, is literally a biography. Mine. It's about my life. Y'all, I'm only two chapters in and it's already changed my life drastically. Everyone needs to read it. Now. So many good nuggets discovered already that I couldn't even decide which was best to share. So I'll share lots 😁 then you'll see how badly you need to go get it. I'll buy it for you if you want. Seriously. It's incredible.] 

A Battle of Wills

I feel as if my last post was a bit all over the place.. which is pretty normal for me.  That's how my brain operates, sorry!  But I wanted to recap the main points before moving on to my latest rambles.  

Hold onto those things that make your heart beat a little faster.  The ones that make your palms a little sweaty; your brain a little nervous.  But hold onto the One who gave you those dreams tighter.  You'll succeed, as long as you're holding onto the One instead of the thing.

Storms are guaranteed in this life.  It may not be an F5 tornado, utterly destroying everything in it's path.  It may be a quick downpour; a light sprinkle.  I don't know.  I just know that they are promised.  But they are temporary.  You may feel like you're living in London for a season- fog and rain misting each and every day.  Or you could be in the sunniest, most beautiful season.  Either way- know that if you are not anchored, you will be swept up with the debris in the wind.  When the thunder rumbles, you'll quake.  But you won't be moved.  You may get wet; but you will not drown.  You will not be submerged or overcome; it's impossible if you are truly anchored.   That's the whole point of an anchor-- as good ole' Wikipedia says: "An anchor is a device, normally made of metal, used to connect a vessel to the bed of a body of water to prevent the craft from drifting due to wind or current." So anchor yourself in the One who cannot be shaken; cannot be moved.  And thereby protect yourself from drifting seamlessly, without even realizing it.  I love that the word anchor comes from the Greek word ἄγκυρα --which translates to what we know as anchor; stay; safeguard [The Bible uses this word just four times, mainly in Acts 27 {verses 29, 30 and 40} then again in Hebrews 6:19].  Maybe I have a greater appreciation for this anchor metaphor since my grandfather was a sailor; but I love, love, love the picture and idea of it.  I was also recently awakened to the significance within the actual anchor: The cross boldly displayed in the middle, with a curve at the bottom that extends upward, pointing to the Heavens, that seems to have no end. 


[If you want to read more about the storms of this life and the Lord's promises- read through the Psalms.  They are rich with story after story of utter despair and distress and true, harsh, brittle anger and depression, followed by the most beautiful words of hope and joy.  My favorites include Psalm 40:1-3 "I waited patietntly for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry.  He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth--praise to our god; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the Lord." Followed by verse 12, "For innumerable evils have surrounded me; my iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of my head; therefore my heart fails me." and verse 17, "But I am poor and needy; Yet the Lord thinks upon me. You are my help and my deliverer; Do not delay, o my God.  Then the ever powerful Psalm 42-- I wish I could post the whole thing here, but it would be too long. Just go read it-- it's so. good.]

As I sit here typing, the song Lay Me Down [from Passion: White Flag] is playing. And it's my anthem for this year. I think it's been my anthem in years past, but especially, specifically, significantly this year.

 I lay me down, I'm not my own.  I belong to You alone. Lay me down, lay me down.
Letting go of my pride; giving up all my rights.  Take this life and let it shine, shine shine.

Then comes the bridge... It will be my joy to say Your will, Your way.

And I wonder: joy? 

Am I really joyous about the Lord's will over my own?  I like control.  I never fully realized it until someone called me out on it.  I am a prideful, in-control person.  And of course my pride was so good at making me think I wasn't prideful. Silly, silly Alek.  [Let's face it, we're all a little prideful.  not trying to call anyone out here-- I just think that as adults, we can all admit that we each have a bit of pride...aftermath of the fall, ya feel?]  And pride can kind of be a good weapon.  My mom always taught me to stand up for myself; be independent; have my own opinions, and voice them, no matter what.  I think those can be good things; so long as they're wielded correctly.  However, the second pride begins to take over (which can happen so subtly you scarcely notice), we are in a bad place.

So I sit, and I wonder: joy?

Probably not.  Probably more like frustration.  Bitterness.  Wrestling.  Anger.  Confusion.  Misunderstanding.  Struggling. Submitting. Then finally, tearfully, slowly, caving.  Giving up. Giving in.  Realizing, through the salty drops flowing from my eyes, that of course His plan is better.  Of course His ways are higher.  Why must I constantly, and I mean, constantly doubt that?!  Why do I have to go through the trial and tribulation and frustration and heartache of learning that the hard way?  I think He knows that I have to in order to understand just how good He truly is.

If I didn't have to claw my way through my own stubborn ways, would I really appreciate how simple and easy and delightful His way is?  He is oh so patient with me.  I'm a hard-headed, willful, prideful, selfish, silly, silly daughter.  But He knows that.  And He loves me nonetheless. [What?? I'll never fully comprehend or get over that...and I pray I never do.]

So this year, I'll stumble.  I'll blindly fight through the pain and troubles that are hidden behind every corner.  I'll fight my way and I'll keep fighting until I reach the end of me; where Jesus so beautifully stands, waiting for me. He'll lift me on His wings; giving me just the strength and might that I need to make it through the next step.  Leading me just beyond my own ability so as to display His majesty and glory working in me; strength that so clearly does not come from my own self.  And tenderly, carelessly, we'll walk.  Slowly.  Knees wobbling, heart racing, yet firmly anchored and supported by the hand that never leaves.  The hand that never pushes, but gently nudges.  Stretching me to new heights; new loves; new adventures, all with His hand holding mine.

An Anti-Resolution

Ahh, a new year.

You can smell the fresh resolve.  Feel the expectation.

Dust off the cobwebs of last year’s tired, unanswered dream.

You know the one—that this time last year, you did the same exact thing: picked it up, wide-eyed, heart-racing... “this will be the year!”

…and yet, another trip around the sun...and here we are.  Proclaiming those same grandiose ideas.  Wind in our sails, breath in our lungs, we march.

Head high, hopes higher. 

And just as quickly as we leapt off, we crash.

It only takes one ripple in the wave. 

Not even a strong tide or a fierce current toppling its weight over our tiny selves; no, just a small poof of wind.

And we’re defeated.

We think we’ve capsized, when really we’re just not ready for the storms of life.  We weren’t prepared.  We didn’t have the right sail. We didn’t have the right clothes. We didn’t have the right mindset.

That’s why I’ve always hated resolutions.  In theory, I love them.  I’m such an introspective, detail-oriented person that I love looking back at the decisions I’ve made and critiquing myself, one word or action or decision at a time.  But the resolution thing has always irked me.  I am a firm believer that you have to be extra cautious to not set yourself up for failure.  And to me, that’s what resolutions are.  You’re pretty much doomed to fail.  Sorry, but it’s true.  Call me pessimistic; I really don’t think I am.  I’m very much an optimist; I’m just also very much a realist.  It’s easy to make these big exclamations, bundled by expectation and hope and excitement that inevitably, inextricably comes with each new year. 

Starting fresh, cracking open the delicate leather of that brand new book that’s never been opened, running our fingers through each page; breathing in the smells and the sounds and the excited energy busting with chances.   Unaware of what it holds, and giddy with the possibilities…it’s easy to feel excited, hopeful, expectant.  It’s okay to feel all of those things.  But it’s easy to forget the disappointments, failures, hurts of the last year.  And it’s okay to forget those too. I’m not saying to focus on them; I’m simply saying that we can’t ignore them.  We can’t be ignorant to the very real possibility that just as much as this year could be the year we do that thing we always wanted to do; be the person we always wanted to be; pick up that new hobby; cut out that old one; learn a new language; meet a new friend; travel to that place; there’s just as much of a chance that this could not be that year. 

So, friends, you have a choice.  Will this be that year?  Or, like every other year, will you choose to let it slip through your fingers? 

You see, we’re not gripping those dreams.  Sometimes, they grip us.  But usually, we start the year with an iron hold on them.  “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose” right?  For a while.  But brace yourself—here comes the gale.  Then the thunder—subtly, softly, at first.  Then the lightning strikes.  Hard, fast, ferocious.  Drip by drip the rain seeps in.  Hopes muddied, dreams vanishing with every bit of the sun behind the clouds, off to some distance we’ll never know.  Some future we’ll never see.  That grip loosens as we just can’t seem to hold on.  Then, like every passing year, we let go.  Crushed, perplexed, exhausted.  We give in.  We give up.  Surrendering, abandoning, heart barely beating in its’ broken state of defeat.

take heart for I have overcome the world.

Do you know what that verse means?  It means that the battle has already been waged.  The victory already proclaimed.  The final blow was struck and we stand as victors.  What I love most about that verse is that it doesn’t say you may have trouble; you could possibly face something horrendous; no.  The Bible doesn’t beat around the bush—sister, brother, you WILL have trouble.  The storms are guaranteed, especially when we follow Christ. 

BUT

BUT

BUT

Take HEART, dear child.  The Lamb has overcome.

So this year, what is it that you want?  Do you want this year to be the year?  Then so be it.  Let this year be what you make it.  Circumstances will change.  Things will get messy.  I promise.  It doesn’t matter if 99.9% of this upcoming year is filled with abundant joy and laughter and dancing and singing and praising the Lord.  I guarantee you that 0.1% is just enough to derail your hopes and dreams for this year.  The enemy is so good at what he does.  He knows exactly how, and when, and with what weapons, to absolutely cripple you, if you let him. Stand your ground; fight the good fight of faith.  Choose to stand in the victory; walk in the freedom; soak in the promise of the One who paid the ultimate price for you to overcome this world.

Also?  That same singing and dancing and praising, in my life, has come out of those very dark and desperate times.  Those times when I didn’t think I would ever trudge through the flood.  When I couldn’t see past the forces that were strangling, stomping, winning.  And yet, there is only One who can, and has already prevailed.

I just love that word.  Prevailed.  Do you see it?  He came before (pre) and then all I think is “veil”.  And I think of the verse in which we are no longer blinded to the beauty of Christ—the day we see Him and His glory and we. can. Live. I mean, truly live the life that He intended for us.

So this year, let’s live this life that was secured for us.  Let’s live this life that was viciously, horrendously, yet sacredly, so ravishingly beautifully won for us.  Let’s do those things we wanted to do; go those places we wanted to go; be that person we wanted to be; but let’s do it with the assurance that even if we fail, we are anchored in the grace that never fails; the love that never runs out; though we may get knocked down; the storm may sweep us into the water; out of the boat—maybe that’s exactly where He wanted you to be.  Treading water, sucking in breaths of despair; seemingly clinging to nothing but the beating of the waves and His bare hands.  Live the life that He’s given you; whatever that looks like.